Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
