why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
