make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
