Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So vagazzling was a success
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
