I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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