All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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