Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
