I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
