She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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