My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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