apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
