Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
