You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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