As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
