At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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