She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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