Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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