My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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