I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
