Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
