Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
