Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
