i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
