His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
