I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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