Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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