I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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