I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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