So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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