I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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