Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
