Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
