This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
