So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize