he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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