Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
