I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Someone came in the potted fern
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
