drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
