I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My ass is underappreciated
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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