Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
