this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
