I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
