My hand turned me down
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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