I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
