i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
