Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
