I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
