Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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