also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
we made out on top of his cat.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
