community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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