I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just googled if crying burns calories
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
