4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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