Can i not drive my cunt home
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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