yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
