So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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