Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
