Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
As shirtless as possible
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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