PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
