I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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