: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
