do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
