you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
