oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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