the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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