is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
