That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Holy sore nipples Batman
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
