Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
