what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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