your room smells of hookers.
And success
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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