I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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