girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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