You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
