I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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