you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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