i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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