A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
